| | I'm back. I just needed to pull the plug on AIM, facebook, xanga, and people for awhile.
A few hours after my last entry, I had a panic attack, and just had a huge mental breakdown. I spent the rest of the weekend curled up in the fetal position on my bed, crying. And when I wasn't doing that, I was on the phone with my aunt, or with one of my parents, discussing what I should do.
This has been going on for several years now, and a little over a year ago, it became so severe that it's really been interfering with my life and my ability to live normally. My aunt helped me to analyze what I was going through, and that's when I realized that my symptoms seem to follow a pattern - for about 3 months I'll be "normal," and then I'll go through a period of anxiety, panic attacks, and almost debilitating depression for 2 or 3 weeks. Then just as quickly as it started, it stops, and I'm normal again.
Until now, I had always thought that these were just "phases," and I could deal with them because they didn't last long. But this time, as my body was convulsing on my bed, as I struggled to catch my breath, and as my eyes nearly rolled back into my head, I realized "I can't keep living like this." For the past week, I've been fine, so this episode has passed like the others. But yesterday, I finally saw a psychiatrist, and I've been prescribed a course of therapy and some medication. I don't really have an official-sounding diagnosis yet - basically just "episodes of mixed depression/anxiety." Catchy, right? But I feel better that I've at least taken some steps to reclaim control over my life.
Anyways, I apologize again for my absence. Now that I'm feeling more like myself, I'll be around here more, I promise. 
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| | Posted 3/5/2009 11:56 PM - 33 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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